My last blog post was January 16

and it contained the words "dick saliva".

I'm not sure if I lost or gained readers because of that.

Blog To-Do List -- Dick Saliva?

Last week, when I suddenly decided I wanted to blog again but didn't have time to, I wrote myself a to-do list of stuff I wanted to blog about:

Yes, my handwriting is that messy.  Sometimes I try to be neat, but I'm usually writing in a hurry, they are just notes to myself, and I'm left-handed.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

1.  I did it, even though I notice now that I said "I can't even find time to block" instead of "I can't even find time to blog", but, you know, sometimes I can't find time to block either.  It also backfired on me, because I used the story of the sock puppetry as a launch for talking about my own failings when it comes to blogging, but I don't think anyone read that part.  You know, re-reading it, it really wasn't that great.

2.  DID IT!  BLOGGED ALL MY FUCKING PROJECTS!  FUCK YEAH!!!

3.  I touched on this in the blog post that nobody read except for the part about the sock puppetry.  Maybe I'm just better at one-liners, and, thus, am not an essayist and don't deserve a book deal. Would anyone even read a book of one-liner Facebook posts?

Here, let me give you an example, with Mike's very inspiring response:

I'm willing to bet I have more.  Just this morning, on my way to work, I sent a text to Mike that read,

"Do necrophiliacs get mourning wood?"  Because that's FUNNY, right?

I have some really hilarious back-and-forths in some PMs, but, unfortunately, the "P" in "PM" stands for "private" and legally, I can't really share those without permission.  I could always leave out the other people's responses, but then it just looks as though I'm talking to myself and, thus, crazy, because I'm not talking to myself here on my blog or anything.

I've come to the realization that most of what I post, here or on Facebook, is just for my own entertainment anyway.

4.  DICK SALIVA.  Just because.




I actually see so much profane graffiti that I started a set on Flickr called "Pointless Profanity".  Because DICK SALIVA.

Look at all the fucking stuff I made last year!!!!

Last year was a pretty productive year, knitting-wise, I think.

I finished twenty whole projects!!!  FUCKING YEAH GO ME!!!!!

Let's look at them.

I made these chevron socks for Mike!




Sure, I started them in October 2011 and didn't finish them until January 8, 2012, but I did manage this:

12/26/11 - finished the first sock and got 30 or 40 chevron rows of the second sock done before Xmas. I put everything in a gift bag and made it be from John the Bearded Dragon and Sunny the snake, with a note apologizing for not getting it done sooner.

So, yeah, go me!

I made a lace panel for a group art installment!!!



I can't find any other pictures of this -- which is too bad, because I know I have some -- but it was pretty cool.

I took part in another group project -- to make a blanket for another rubbernecker's baby!  It was fun!

I also made these socks for myself, which I don't have a finished picture of because I'm so fucking lazy.

I also did another group installment with the South End Knitters - Fair Isle Heart Rings for Valentine's Day!

Then I started making baby stuff!  Baby stuff for Lilah!

Socks!



A little fucking hat!



LEGWARMERS!!! FUCKING LEGWARMERS!!!!!!!



A big-ass (not really) blanket that took me most of the fucking year to make!



I made a tiki toy for my friends' daughter who fucking turned one!



I made these fucking zombie monkey socks for myself!!!!

And I made a fucking shawl that I already fucking blogged about!



ERMAHGERD BERBY HERTS!!!!!!







I know you saw my Thermis!



and my Sleepknitting Socks! 



But did you see my Skull Shawl?







My fucking gorgeous rendition of Color Affection?





Or my fucking awesome Love Bytes mittens (better photos to be uploaded from home)?



Or the hat I knit out of merino wool and Samoyed hair?



When was the last time you saw someone mail in a fucking blog post like this one, huh?
Now I feel all caught up.

The Moral of the Story

Don't use an internet drama incident as a starting point to talk about yourself, because people will only comment on the drama incident and not about all the stuff about yourself that you took the time to write about, no matter how brilliant or witty you think you are.

;)

Human Failings

So, this is a story that has been hitting the Ravelry world this week. 

I'm not going to address the issue that everyone else is talking about -- the fact that many people invested emotionally in this story and gave support to the people (or, as it turns out, person) involved, only to find out they have been duped for shits and giggles.

No, I'm going to address the issue as it hit me:  this person had time for what, three, four different sock puppet personalities on Ravelry, and to create a storyline that went on for almost a damn year involving these people, and I don't even have time to BLOG???

Well, fuck me running.

Remember when I used to blog, like, every day?  I know that sometimes I would blog boring stuff (like when I was "reviewing" the pattern-a-day calendar patterns just based on sight alone and whether or not I would try to make them -- I think I got my first flounce from this blog when I stated that I wasn't going to do that anymore; someone had been following to see what I said about her pattern, which was coming up in a week or two, and decided that if I wasn't going to say anything about it, she didn't want to read my blog anymore.  But, really, that was such a boring aspect of my blog and it was just me trying to get my feet wet in the blogging world -- which, by the way,  I keep wanting to type as "flogging" -- and I don't feel I had found my voice yet.)

One of the issues I had with blogging is that I was boring myself.  How many posts can I make that say, "hey, look at this fucking knitting project I am working on?  I got two more rows done!  Can ya tell? Huh?  Huh?".  I was also reluctant to deviate from the original purpose of the blog -- knitting -- into other aspects of my life, which is where our nature blog came from.  And yeah, that's pretty much Mike's blog now anyway, since I became the queen of one liners on Ravelry and Facebook and just didn't have time to really blog anymore.

But I have lots to say!  Really!  I post shit on Facebook ALL. THE. TIME, and you know, some of that stuff is brilliant but it's just short little bits of human observations that generate a bunch of comments for, like, a day or so and then everyone forgets about it and moves on to sharing George Takei's photos.

What's up with these people whose Facebook activity is limited to sharing George Takei's photos anyway?  Do they have any thoughts of their own?  Or are they just afraid to post things that would be attached to their name because future potential employers would be googling them and looking at their Facebook account.

I kinda realized that I am probably completely unhireable due to my social networking.  I mean, I have my profile just about as locked down as I possibly can, well, for Facebook, whose security is more or less shit anyway, and the other day I took a look at it as it appears to an outsider.  Which is okay, I guess, although the current profile picture of my reaction to the smell of Big League Chew Ground Ball Grape isn't terribly flattering.  I guess you can see my photos, which may not be the best thing ever.  I think what will really fuck me is that my "Favorite Quotations" section is completely public.  I mean, it could be worse, but it is kinda bizarre. 

Let's take a look at it:

Favorite Quotations

"I had a heady brew of 4 snake species' musk on my hands, we had sunburns, and were toast! ... But we loved it!" - Mike Howlett, May 15, 2012, in a blog post on one of our herping trips.

"Nothing says, "Romantic Herp Outing" like nerodia musk." - Me, in a private message, on 11/27/2012.

"Nice School Bus, Bitch" - from this video at 1:07:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCXaMNQOOFM

"Winnie the Pooh doesn't wear pants -- why should I?" - King Louie Bankston to his parents when he was a little kid (probably in the 70s)

"I had one of those sun lamps. It was great, but don't ever look directly into them. I thought you had to look into them for them to work, and had sun spots in my eyes for a week after." - an attorney I work with who has TWO degrees from Harvard.

"Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you." - Frank Lloyd Wright

 
****

Yeah, these go in reverse chronological order, as I added them, so you can see that I started all serious with the Frank Lloyd Wright quote, because I want people to think I am such a thoughtful, serious, well-read person and that does not make me sound like a pretentious git or anything.  Then, of course, as I get more comfortable, it gets more and more silly, because, what I really want is for people to know what they are getting themselves into when the talk to me.

Except do I really want future potential employers to know about my friend Louie not wanting to wear pants, or my obsession with snake musk?

See, these are all part of my human failings.

****

Oh, I almost forgot something!  The funniest thing about this "Pretending to be human" fiasco, at least to me.  In a conversation on Facebook about this incident, one of my friends said this,

"I do wonder is she's also the girl in a Dayton suburb who claimed she was basically being held hostage by her one-armed fiancee."

That struck me as so funny that I spent all day laughing about it, then last night I told Mike about it, and I was STILL laughing about it.  I don't think I'll put it in my favorite quotations because, well, I really don't know.  Is it as funny taken out of context?  You know, I bet it is.  But do I want future employers to wonder why I have a quote about a woman being held hostage by her one-armed fiancee on my Facebook profile?  Is it more bizarre than snake musk, or less? 

Maybe My Mom Was Right.

Maybe Facebook DOES cause drama.

I chose to block a person today.  Wait, I chose to block not only a person, but a member of my husband’s family.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.

So what did this person do?  Post non-stop political rants?  Start fights with people in comments threads?

Nope, she just commented too much and on too many things.

I feel bad, because I do LIKE her and enjoy talking with her, but she seemed to feel as though she had to comment on every single bit of activity of mine she could.  I know what you are thinking.  If you don’t want people to comment on things, why are you posting them to Facebook?

Well…

This is what I think was happening.  See, I have my husband marked as a “Close Friend” on Facebook, which means that I see more or less every move he makes.  Well, not everything.  If something is locked down completely (i.e., an invitation to a private event or posts in a private group he is a member off, and, obviously, private messages), I can’t see it.  If he “likes” a photo or someone’s status update, I see it, and, depending on the posting person’s settings, I may also be able to “like” or comment on it as well, if the person’s privacy settings aren’t locked down.

So, this is how things went today.

I got invited to an event in another state and many months away.  I don’t know if I’d be able to make it, but I will consider it, so I responded as such.  Aw, shit, why don’t I just show you how it went, with the relevant names, etc., blocked out:

Am I right for being weirded out by this?  It’s not an isolated event, really, honestly.  I’d find other instances where she has done this, but I’ve blocked her from FB and I don’t even see her stuff anymore. 

I mean, I understand that anything I put out there on the internet can be read by anyone – and yes, I do understand that there is a good chance she is going to read this and get hurt – but at any time I was beginning to feel as though she was going to get the same haircut as me or something else very Single White Female-esque.

Like, say you had someone who walked around behind you all day and commented on everything you did. 

“Oh hai, logging on to your computer, eh?”

“That yogurt looks yummy.”

“You just did a google search for ‘Rip Taylor in a Can’”.

“Nice stapling technique.”

“Lotion!  Your hands need more lotion!”

Etc. Etc.

It would get pretty annoying, wouldn’t it?  There would be nothing, technically, wrong with doing that, but I would really want them to stop.

(On another note, I have a co-worker who likes to imitate noises, like the copier beeping when it’s done and whatnot.  It’s also quite annoying.  It reminds me of my husband’s story of how he had a green tree frog who would answer the washing machine when it got off balance and squeaked).

So, I don’t know how it is all going to turn out.  I have a fear that my husband may get the “she’s never invited to our house again, EVER!!!” talk, because there is no way she isn’t going to notice.  In fact, I have a feeling she may be watching me elsewhere…maybe on Ravelry, or here. 

Should I have said something sooner?  Probably.  I tried.  I really tried.  I’m not very good at confrontation, and I tried to drop some subtle hints but, unfortunately, I don’t think I’m very good at dropping subtle hints.  My method of dealing with things that bug me is to keep a stiff upper lip, try to address the issue in a roundabout way, and, when all else fails, flounce.

Thoughts?  Or am I just talking to myself here?

Hurricane Sandy Knitting

Thanks to Hurricane Sandy giving me a day off (and lots of knitting time in the car over the weekend's visit to the Chiller Theatre convention), I was able to finish two of the five projects currently on my needles.

Project Number One -- Thermis

This is the one that should have made you laugh your ass off when I listed the things that I needed to finish.  All that it needed was the ends woven in, and buttons sewn on, and I already had the buttons with the project since it was a re-knit.  My excuse:  I had to go all the way up to the third floor to find the thread that matched the buttons, and to get my sewing needles.  It turns out, when I opened the hat box I keep my thread in, the matching thread was right on top since the buttons on the first knit of this had been the last thing that I had needed thread for.

Ahem.

So, here it is, and as an added bonus you get to see my Morning Face complete with red mark on my nose from my CPAP:







I will be really warm come the cold weather.

Project Number Two:  Sleepknitting Socks.










I called these my Sleepknitting Socks, because it was a 2x2 rib that I could knit in my sleep.

I also wound my yarn for Color Affection, because the socks were my commuting project and I will need something simple to knit on the train (Color Affection seems like it would be fitting, plus I've been dying to cast on for this).




It's all Tilli Tomas sock yarn, and the colorways are on my stash page.  (That's my way of saying that I can't remember the colorway names and am too lazy to go look it up, so if you need to know so badly then go look it up).

As for the storm, we fared pretty well here in the Dale.  Part of a tree came down in the yard on the other side of my building, and there are some small branches here and there, and some sort of transformer blew out over the train tracks next to us (which is very loud and causes a huge flash -- yes, this happened before, a few months ago), but it was apparently not a danger to us.

Up until the transformer blew, the cats were acting as if it was just another day lounging around the house:

Luciano:




Gibson:




Ellie:




Around 7:30 p.m., I opened a window because I wanted to see what our parking lot looked like.  This got both Ellie's and Gibson's interest, so I kept it open for a little bit so they could investigate:








Luciano was not at all interested (he's not much of a window kitty), and when I picked him up to show him, the wind picked up, so I put him down so I wouldn't get perforated.  The wind freaked Gibson out a little, but Ellie stood her ground.

We survived Sandy without losing power at all, which I'm happy for.  Hopefully the rest of this week will run as smoothly!

WIP Promise

Right now, I have a bunch of WIPs on tap, and I have made a promise to myself to complete at least ONE of them by the end of this month.  When you see them, and see what needs to be done to finish each one, you will probably laugh your ass off when you get to a particular one.

Let's get started with pictures I took 10 days ago (proof of what a slacker I am).

Jolly Roger Shawl:



I cast on for this on September 19, on Talk Like a Pirate Day.  I've done a handful more rows since that (I can really only manage one a night between dinner and bedtime).  I would have loved to have had this for Halloween, but I would need much more time to work on it.  Since there is NO WAY IN HELL it can't be done by the end of October, I'm hoping to at least be done by Thanksgiving.  Twenty-six and a half rows to go!!!!!!

Sleep Knitting Socks:



I cast on for these on September 10, because I needed something to knit on my commute that wasn't too taxing, and also to take on the trails with me when we hike.   I also managed to used my project as a prop for my catches on the trail:





(Disclaimer: if anyone is going to wank at me for having photos of a snake on my blog, just hit the back button right fucking now, because I don't give a shit about your phobias.  It's a goddamn photo of a harmless garter snake, for fuck's sake.)

Hopefully I'll have these done very, very soon.  If not by the end of this month, the beginning of November.

I'm Picking Out a Thermis:



Originally started on January 15.  STOP LAUGHING.  I had finished it pretty quickly, wore it a few times, and it was FUCKING HUGE and flopped around so it sat in a drawer since around March, waiting to be frogged.  I don't remember when I re-knit it, but I re-knit it and right now all it needs is to have the ends woven in and have buttons sewn on.  Sounds simple, but I've been too lazy to go all the way up to the third floor to get my sewing needles and rummage through my hatbox of thread to find the one that matches the buttons.  Okay, you can laugh now.

I'm hoping to do this last piddling bit by the end of October.

Lilah's Blanket:



Started on April 5, I finished the knitting part of it some time in August and just have to finish sewing the ruffle onto the blanket for my stepgranddaughter, who was born July 30.

I'm the worst go-go ever.

Thankfully, she has two other blankets that nicer people than I made for her.  They are crocheted, though.

I'm hoping to have this done by Thanksgiving.

Love Bytes:



Started January 6, I finished the first mitten in about 3 weeks (thanks to shitty weather and the first season of TREME).  I'm a decent way through the second mitten (it looks as though I have already put aside stitches for the thumb -- yes, it has been that long that I don't remember), but haven't picked these up in months.  I should have these done by the winter, if not the end of the year.

I'm only allowed to cast on something else IF I finish the socks (a/k/a my commuting project, and yes, I just almost wrote "cocks" because I am that LSG), and that new project has to also be a project I can do on my commute, AND I can only work on that project while commuting, being a passenger on a car, or otherwise somewhere where I require a small, easily transported project (i.e. on the trail).

That's it for now!