YO! ZMK Knits!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Blog To-Do List -- Dick Saliva?

Last week, when I suddenly decided I wanted to blog again but didn't have time to, I wrote myself a to-do list of stuff I wanted to blog about:

Yes, my handwriting is that messy.  Sometimes I try to be neat, but I'm usually writing in a hurry, they are just notes to myself, and I'm left-handed.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

1.  I did it, even though I notice now that I said "I can't even find time to block" instead of "I can't even find time to blog", but, you know, sometimes I can't find time to block either.  It also backfired on me, because I used the story of the sock puppetry as a launch for talking about my own failings when it comes to blogging, but I don't think anyone read that part.  You know, re-reading it, it really wasn't that great.


3.  I touched on this in the blog post that nobody read except for the part about the sock puppetry.  Maybe I'm just better at one-liners, and, thus, am not an essayist and don't deserve a book deal. Would anyone even read a book of one-liner Facebook posts?

Here, let me give you an example, with Mike's very inspiring response:

I'm willing to bet I have more.  Just this morning, on my way to work, I sent a text to Mike that read,

"Do necrophiliacs get mourning wood?"  Because that's FUNNY, right?

I have some really hilarious back-and-forths in some PMs, but, unfortunately, the "P" in "PM" stands for "private" and legally, I can't really share those without permission.  I could always leave out the other people's responses, but then it just looks as though I'm talking to myself and, thus, crazy, because I'm not talking to myself here on my blog or anything.

I've come to the realization that most of what I post, here or on Facebook, is just for my own entertainment anyway.

4.  DICK SALIVA.  Just because.


I actually see so much profane graffiti that I started a set on Flickr called "Pointless Profanity".  Because DICK SALIVA.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Look at all the fucking stuff I made last year!!!!

Last year was a pretty productive year, knitting-wise, I think.

I finished twenty whole projects!!!  FUCKING YEAH GO ME!!!!!

Let's look at them.

I made these chevron socks for Mike!

Secret Chevrons 2

Sure, I started them in October 2011 and didn't finish them until January 8, 2012, but I did manage this:

12/26/11 - finished the first sock and got 30 or 40 chevron rows of the second sock done before Xmas. I put everything in a gift bag and made it be from John the Bearded Dragon and Sunny the snake, with a note apologizing for not getting it done sooner.

So, yeah, go me!

I made a lace panel for a group art installment!!!


I can't find any other pictures of this -- which is too bad, because I know I have some -- but it was pretty cool.

I took part in another group project -- to make a blanket for another rubbernecker's baby!  It was fun!

I also made these socks for myself, which I don't have a finished picture of because I'm so fucking lazy.

I also did another group installment with the South End Knitters - Fair Isle Heart Rings for Valentine's Day!

Then I started making baby stuff!  Baby stuff for Lilah!


Baby Socks

A little fucking hat!

Baby Socks and Hat



A big-ass (not really) blanket that took me most of the fucking year to make!


I made a tiki toy for my friends' daughter who fucking turned one!

Tiki 2

I made these fucking zombie monkey socks for myself!!!!

And I made a fucking shawl that I already fucking blogged about!






I know you saw my Thermis!


and my Sleepknitting Socks! 


But did you see my Skull Shawl?




My fucking gorgeous rendition of Color Affection?



Or my fucking awesome Love Bytes mittens (better photos to be uploaded from home)?

Love Bytes

Or the hat I knit out of merino wool and Samoyed hair?

DSCN3140 DSCN3141

When was the last time you saw someone mail in a fucking blog post like this one, huh?
Now I feel all caught up.

The Moral of the Story

Don't use an internet drama incident as a starting point to talk about yourself, because people will only comment on the drama incident and not about all the stuff about yourself that you took the time to write about, no matter how brilliant or witty you think you are.


Friday, January 11, 2013

Human Failings

So, this is a story that has been hitting the Ravelry world this week. 

I'm not going to address the issue that everyone else is talking about -- the fact that many people invested emotionally in this story and gave support to the people (or, as it turns out, person) involved, only to find out they have been duped for shits and giggles.

No, I'm going to address the issue as it hit me:  this person had time for what, three, four different sock puppet personalities on Ravelry, and to create a storyline that went on for almost a damn year involving these people, and I don't even have time to BLOG???

Well, fuck me running.

Remember when I used to blog, like, every day?  I know that sometimes I would blog boring stuff (like when I was "reviewing" the pattern-a-day calendar patterns just based on sight alone and whether or not I would try to make them -- I think I got my first flounce from this blog when I stated that I wasn't going to do that anymore; someone had been following to see what I said about her pattern, which was coming up in a week or two, and decided that if I wasn't going to say anything about it, she didn't want to read my blog anymore.  But, really, that was such a boring aspect of my blog and it was just me trying to get my feet wet in the blogging world -- which, by the way,  I keep wanting to type as "flogging" -- and I don't feel I had found my voice yet.)

One of the issues I had with blogging is that I was boring myself.  How many posts can I make that say, "hey, look at this fucking knitting project I am working on?  I got two more rows done!  Can ya tell? Huh?  Huh?".  I was also reluctant to deviate from the original purpose of the blog -- knitting -- into other aspects of my life, which is where our nature blog came from.  And yeah, that's pretty much Mike's blog now anyway, since I became the queen of one liners on Ravelry and Facebook and just didn't have time to really blog anymore.

But I have lots to say!  Really!  I post shit on Facebook ALL. THE. TIME, and you know, some of that stuff is brilliant but it's just short little bits of human observations that generate a bunch of comments for, like, a day or so and then everyone forgets about it and moves on to sharing George Takei's photos.

What's up with these people whose Facebook activity is limited to sharing George Takei's photos anyway?  Do they have any thoughts of their own?  Or are they just afraid to post things that would be attached to their name because future potential employers would be googling them and looking at their Facebook account.

I kinda realized that I am probably completely unhireable due to my social networking.  I mean, I have my profile just about as locked down as I possibly can, well, for Facebook, whose security is more or less shit anyway, and the other day I took a look at it as it appears to an outsider.  Which is okay, I guess, although the current profile picture of my reaction to the smell of Big League Chew Ground Ball Grape isn't terribly flattering.  I guess you can see my photos, which may not be the best thing ever.  I think what will really fuck me is that my "Favorite Quotations" section is completely public.  I mean, it could be worse, but it is kinda bizarre. 

Let's take a look at it:

Favorite Quotations

"I had a heady brew of 4 snake species' musk on my hands, we had sunburns, and were toast! ... But we loved it!" - Mike Howlett, May 15, 2012, in a blog post on one of our herping trips.

"Nothing says, "Romantic Herp Outing" like nerodia musk." - Me, in a private message, on 11/27/2012.

"Nice School Bus, Bitch" - from this video at 1:07:

"Winnie the Pooh doesn't wear pants -- why should I?" - King Louie Bankston to his parents when he was a little kid (probably in the 70s)

"I had one of those sun lamps. It was great, but don't ever look directly into them. I thought you had to look into them for them to work, and had sun spots in my eyes for a week after." - an attorney I work with who has TWO degrees from Harvard.

"Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you." - Frank Lloyd Wright

Yeah, these go in reverse chronological order, as I added them, so you can see that I started all serious with the Frank Lloyd Wright quote, because I want people to think I am such a thoughtful, serious, well-read person and that does not make me sound like a pretentious git or anything.  Then, of course, as I get more comfortable, it gets more and more silly, because, what I really want is for people to know what they are getting themselves into when the talk to me.

Except do I really want future potential employers to know about my friend Louie not wanting to wear pants, or my obsession with snake musk?

See, these are all part of my human failings.


Oh, I almost forgot something!  The funniest thing about this "Pretending to be human" fiasco, at least to me.  In a conversation on Facebook about this incident, one of my friends said this,

"I do wonder is she's also the girl in a Dayton suburb who claimed she was basically being held hostage by her one-armed fiancee."

That struck me as so funny that I spent all day laughing about it, then last night I told Mike about it, and I was STILL laughing about it.  I don't think I'll put it in my favorite quotations because, well, I really don't know.  Is it as funny taken out of context?  You know, I bet it is.  But do I want future employers to wonder why I have a quote about a woman being held hostage by her one-armed fiancee on my Facebook profile?  Is it more bizarre than snake musk, or less?